I’ve been wondering exactly what to do with this blog–should I continue trying to recount the miracles that I’ve come across, heard about, or have experienced myself–or, should I try my hand at writing something fictional, based on factual incidents–decisions, decisions–one problem I have is that, this very rude phrase I read at the end of someone’s message board note many years ago now, keeps circling through my mind constantly as I think about writing anything for a blog at all–it was:
“No one cares about your blog!”
I live every day with the reality of literally being betrayed, and even being verbally, and emotionally, back-handed, by so many of those I’d come to know, and whom I’d come to love, and in whom I’d trusted as family members by marriage, as well as those whom I thought of as long-time friends. Once my son, Bobby, was killed, off came their masks, and in their places were faces I did not, and could not, recognize. It was horrible, and to this day, the destruction it caused in my heart has hardly healed at all, and in fact, if it was not for the love and comfort and guidance I received from God and Christ, and through God’s word stored in the pages of my King James Bible, I know it all would have killed me as surely as if they’d all picked up a gun and shot me dead.
Now, that’s not a work of fiction, even though every time I think back on how those people behaved after Bobby’s death, it actually seems like a work of fiction to me–how could people be that way?! How could I have missed what they really were like on the inside? How did I not see their true natures? Well, it’s taken me nearly 10 years now, but I think by the grace of Almighty God, those questions have been, and some are still being, answered to my satisfaction.
Although, I will leave retribution up to God alone, since that is exactly what He told us He wanted all of us to do:
“Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. “[Romans 12:19 KJV]
Then, I can concentrate on obeying the command of Christ, meant for those who love Him, and have put their faith in Him as Lord and Savior–although, what He commanded is meant for ALL to obey, only those whom God has called to faith in Jesus will even consider trying to do as He has said–because, He meant for us to do this ALL the time, for EVERYONE, in EVERY circumstance–and, it’s VERY hard, and I’ve learn that, without the help of God, our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Himself, there’s just NO way in the world any of us could EVER even come close to adhering to this command of Christ’s:
” 43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? 47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so? 48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.”[Matthew 5:43-48 KJV][Amen] 🙂
So, I have finally realized what I will use this blog for–to help me with what I’ve been through–with ALL I’ve gone through–because, I now see that writing about it all will act as the Grief Counseling I could never find no matter how hard I sought it out after July 17, 2006. I met with a stone wall, as I tried in vain to locate someone who could help me through the worse grief I think anyone could ever experience. I found myself even receiving the blame for my not being able to find that counseling. Instead, I’d had to rely on God and Christ to see me through it all, and I hung on to things said in God’s word, that were reassuring, comforting and even healing.
I am now hoping to make this a daily activity, with me contributing something, short or long, to my own version of grief therapy.[Each time I go to type out the word, grief, I have to stop and think very carefully, due to the fact that our step-father’s last name had been Greif–it’s German, and he always said that, if people knew how to spell the word “grief”, then they’d know that “grief” was NOT his last name!–it can be tough when I go to spell out that word due to that fact–I repeat to myself “G R E I F”–just to be sure I’m spelling “grief” correctly–confusing, I know! 🙂
CYA Later; Ciao; Au Revoir–et A Bientot.