The Evil All Around Us Now

{This is something I wrote just this morning on a message board–a Christian message board–and, I reposted it here because I realized I’d never been able to tell this type of thing to anyone I knew personally[except for my husband and my sister].  I found it easier to write about it to complete strangers on this board I’ve joined!  So, I decided I’d like to post it here on this blog, so that, if any of you reads it, you will at least begin to have some small glimmer of what I’ve been experiencing since 9-11.  I think it has to do with the war, but it also has to do with the struggle the apostle Paul spoke about in Ephesians 6:12:

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”[Ephesians 6:12 KJV]

Ok–so here is the message I just posted on that Christian board:

Hi everyone–I am so glad to have read through this thread just now, because you all are echoing the same inner feelings I’ve been experiencing lately myself. I also can’t think beyond today anymore, as though God is helping me realize the evil that is growing in this world right now precludes any future planning, and for me to just concentrate on the tasks at hand, praying as I go, for situations and people, especially for people! I find myself praying for others and for myself, for the Lord to help me forgive others, and help me to remember His calming words to us, about our not worrying over what we see now–the awful things that keep assaulting us each day now, on the news, do cause a desperate feeling and one of extreme dread, to well up inside me very often these days, and that’s when I’ve learned to turn to the Lord, and ask for His help–without Him helping me to stop feeling that panic and dread, I’d be a total wreck by now!

I had to struggle for years to get to where I am now, emotionally, but instead of finally being able to feel more optimistic about our future lives here, I find myself asking the Lord to please hurry up and take us out of here, before things become unbearable–they are almost that now, though, to my thinking! But, I also have to add, “Thy kingdom come, thy will be done…”, because I remember that God is still in the business of saving people, leading them to His Son, Jesus, so to ask Him to hurry up might be my not understanding that there are still souls out there who need Jesus, so I need to slow down, and wait on the Lord–not run ahead of Him.

But, after 9-11 happened, then we invaded Afghanistan, I began having some really odd confrontations with various people in the medical field–we are a retired military couple, so I chalked it up to that at first. Once we invaded Iraq, that’s when things became downright nasty between nurses and myself–I was shocked at first, but began to think their hostile behavior towards me had to do with their being liberals who hated the war, so automatically hated anyone connected to the military, such as me. But, once my son was killed in Afghanistan, the hostility really became out of control at times–the doctor we had, when told of our son’s death, had to turn his face towards the wall to try and hide his GRIN–HE WAS SO PLEASED to hear of our son’s death! Needless to say, I changed doctors, but not before his nurses lit into me and treated me like I was a criminal!

The behavior of people like that has just been so horrible, that I now refuse to put myself in the care of any hospital staff ever, if it can be avoided, God willing! Twice, when in the hospital for serious surgeries, I awoke to find I had a middle-eastern nurse, who disliked Americans, and both times frightened me half-witless! I had to get a grip on myself, and try to figure out how to negotiate my way out of the situation the one nurse–who told me she was “Lebanese who was raised by the French”[that’s how she put it]–who yelled at me, and threatened to put me on report for not eating my breakfast no less–but while she was shouting at me, I did eat every bite, so she was stunned to realize she had no reason to put me ‘on report’ as being a difficult patient–and, this was a civilian hospital not a military one!

When I tried to explain how the two middle eastern nurses had treated me during my hospital stays, the dr. I was speaking to about it began to laugh, and he told me they didn’t have any staff from the middle east–that’s when I realized there was no one I could trust in this area, and probably anywhere else, within the medical profession–and, I was really frightened, because I still had one more heart procedure to go, so a hospital stay was coming up! But, thanks be to God and Christ, I was able to deal with the last nurse who tried to be abusive after I came out of surgery–but, I just can’t go through that again if there is any way I can avoid it[God willing always–I trust in HIM, and in HIM alone!]

I finally had to tell my husband never to leave me by myself with anyone[nurse or dr.] ever again, so now we go to dr.’s appts together!–the last time he left me alone in the room with a nurse, while he was gone she came up to me and asked me over and over again, why I was wearing the gold star pin–I thought she didn’t know what it was for[my son’s death in this war], so I tried to explain it to her, but she continued to ask me the same question over and over again–finally, she said, in a very strange voice, “Why are YOU wearing it?”–thats’ when my husband walked back in the room, and she left!–that’s when I told him if he ever left me alone again like that with one of those horrible people I would have a regular fit! .

Every day now, though, I can almost feel the darkness and evil that seems to be oozing out all around us now, so I’m learning how vital it is that I turn to the Lord, and ask for His help whenever a feeling of desperation begins to well up inside–I even have to ask Him to help me get a grip, when I begin finding myself begging Him to please hurry and get us out of here–I look around when outside, wondering if and when we’ll find ourselves being attacked, and if the Lord didn’t help me I’d just be a puddle by this time, because I’d have a regular meltdown!

Thank you everyone, and God bless you. I’m so glad I’ve come back to this board now–I think I can handle posting without falling totally apart, by this time.

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