A ‘Hell-On-Earth’ Life… {Pt.2 of 4}

 April 6, 2016

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Wednesday

{Edited to add in a video of The Lord’s Prayer as sung by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir}

“To Hell and Back”?…No, not quite back yet, but almost.

  https://i0.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/a/9/9/0/11954230831167111488post_it_pen_sebastien_du_01.svg.thumb.png That 5 years of estrangement from our second son and his wife were shear torture.  Nothing I could come up with to try and help the situation worked out at all.  Finally, about a year before he left for Afghanistan, Bobby called to talk to us, and right before he hung up he told me that he’d come across a notice in the local Times newspaper online, that said his brother and his wife had just bought a brand new home.  I couldn’t believe it, and asked him if it said anything about where they’d bought the house, but he said he couldn’t remember now, but that it was a brand new home.  He thought if I could locate the same article online, that maybe it would tell me. 

https://i1.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/e/V/F/o/6/b/necklace-th.png So, all excited, I tried searching for the article online, and finally found it somehow–just don’t ask me how, because the article was no longer located on the newspaper’s website, and I couldn’t access it’s archives.  Finally finding his new address, however, was the first bit of information I’d been able to find on his whereabouts since he’d moved for the second time.  The first time he’d moved Bobby had also been responsible for my finding information as to where he was.  He had called to talk to us, and was telling me to try googling my own name, and see what came up.  So, I did that.  Then, I decided to try typing in my other son’s name, and was shocked when his new address came on the screen! 

    https://i1.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/e/V/F/o/6/b/necklace-th.png It turned out that he had bought a home not far from where his grandparents had lived, and near the home of a dear, long-time friend of ours.  I was very excited to find that out at the time, and had wanted to go by his house just to see it, if nothing else.  But, one of my other long-time girlfriends had been concerned about how badly my son’s wife must hate me, so she cautioned me against doing that, for fear that the woman might make the claim that I was stalking them, if she wanted to cause trouble for me–that scared me badly, so I decided not to try going by there.  Even though it broke my heart to think that something like that might happen, due to the inexplicable way she felt towards me.

https://i1.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/e/V/F/o/6/b/necklace-th.png There are extenuating circumstances behind why I feared that she might file a complaint against me, if she should see me going by their house, and it’s because of all the years I had been treated for what was mistakenly thought to be ‘Bi-Polar'[manic-depression] Disorder.  My medical history, due to what I went through from 1974 onward, was a long one, and I had been taking the medicine prescribe for what the second diagnosis had been, from 1977 up until I was finally told I could stop taking it during the 1990’s.  It turned out that I did not suffer from that at all, but had been suffering from a severe case of hysteria, due to extreme trauma that I’d suffered back in 1974.  So, the diagnosis of the first psychiatrist who saw me right after it had happened, was the right diagnosis all along.  Yet, the side-effects from the severe hysteria caused symptoms that mimicked other psychiatric problems, including those associated with Bi-Polar disorder.  Symptoms such as depression at times, tremendous anxiety, sleeplessness, thoughts of suicide, and extreme fears over things I could not even name.  A few years later, early in 1982,  it had been a military psychiatrist who mistakenly changed the first diagnosis of hysteria to manic-depression, but as the patient, I did not realize that her new diagnosis was  totally incorrect.

https://i1.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/e/V/F/o/6/b/necklace-th.pngAnyway, my medical history was why I feared trying to pursue going by their house at all.   What my friend had said, about what she might do if she spotted me going by their house, just ended my even toying with the idea after that.  Someone mentioned that we could sue for the ability to see our granddaughter, but due to my medical history, I threw that suggestion out, as well.  No way did I want us dragged through some potentially slanderous court case, with my history shouted out for all the world to hear, with me not being able to adequately defend against any twisting of it all to suit them.  So, all I was left with was a broken heart, and feelings of desperation welling up inside all the time, with no solution to be found–at least not by me.

https://i1.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/e/V/F/o/6/b/necklace-th.png It was the fact that it had been Bobby who was responsible for my being able to find them both while poking around the internet, that so amazed me, especially when, a few years later, thanks to what Bobby had told me about their buying the new home, I managed to locate where they’d moved for the second time since their estrangement from us.  It turned out to be a huge help the day Bobby was killed.  If it had not been for Bobby, on the day he died I would not even have known how to find his brother at all!  But, as it turned out, not finding him might have been for the best, since the way he treated me the day Bobby was killed, and then came back here to continue treating me that way 6  days later, made me wish I’d never known where to find him at all! 

https://i1.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/e/V/F/o/6/b/necklace-th.png The Monday that Bobby was killed in Afghanistan, my husband left to go and try finding our other son’s new home, after I gave him the address I’d found online a few months earlier.  Thanks to a very helpful police officer, whom Bob had stopped to ask for help in finding the address [he was in such bad shock after receiving the news in the worst way possible.  Bobby had tried to make sure we never heard about his death in a harsh way.  That’s why, when it was suggested to him, he decided to go ahead and allow another family member to have power of attorney, which would guarantee that that particular family member would be notified first.  That way, or so Bobby thought, he would drive up here to tell us in person, so he could help break the news to us as gently as he could.  Bobby really feared how it would affect us, so he thought this family member would not allow us to hear the news in a cold, and stark way.  Yet, that’s exactly how Bob got the news–over the phone, from that particular family member who had lied to Bobby, who is one of the cruelest people I’ve ever even heard of in my life–cold-to-the-bone–he beat the military officers to the ‘punch’, literally, by calling Bob and coldly dropping that horrible bomb on him that day–cold as a dead traitor’s heart–that’s him]–so, Bob had to ask the officer for help in locating the address, and the officer was more than glad to help out, after Bob told him what had happened.

https://i1.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/e/V/F/o/6/b/necklace-th.pngHowever, once our son walked into the house, and in front of his cousin who was sitting on the couch, he suddenly turned on me, accusing me of being responsible for the estrangement between us.  When I couldn’t believe my ears, and tried to correct what he was saying, he became very hostile, and aggressive towards me.  When I stood up to him, and called him the liar he was for saying what he did, he puffed himself up, and angrily took steps towards me with his fists balled up.  I stood there and told him to go right ahead and hit me, but he was not going to get away with lying about me!  I was refusing to back down, knowing full-well that what he was telling his cousin about my being behind the estrangement was a bald-faced LIE!  Finally, when he continued saying hateful, hurtful things, I told him to get out!  He refused at first, but I continued insisting he get OUT!  He finally left after having said some really awful things–I can only remember they were awful, but not his exact words–I, too, was in complete shock over Bobby’s death.

https://i1.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/e/V/F/o/6/b/necklace-th.png Later that evening, I began wondering where in the world members of Bob’s family were, since they knew what had happened.  I thought surely they would make the 3 hour drive up here to be with him at least, if not with me.  So, I finally asked him where his family was, and why weren’t they here yet?  He turned and said “They aren’t coming here!”  I could not believe it.  Why weren’t they coming ‘here‘?!  My husband made some stupid-sounding excuse for them, and I shouted that it made NO sense.  That they were always driving up here to visit his wife’s family who lived near here, yet the day their nephew is blown to bits in the war, they can’t manage to get in the car and come up here to help us through that first night???!!!!  My husband told me I couldn’t expect them to do that.  That, they had lives, they had work…Well, so far as I’m concerned, their name is now MUDD, due to that reason, as well as thanks to everything else they did, and did not do, after that first day and night, as well.

https://i1.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/e/V/F/o/6/b/necklace-th.png Thanks to the Lord Jesus, forgiveness comes with the territory of being a Christian–forgiveness must come, and I’m confident it will with His help–someday–soon, I hope–but, I still need His help with the terrible anger I feel in my heart for ALL that went on after Bobby’s death, not the least of which is how they left us here alone that first night.  They also never bothered to come and see us for 6 whole days after his death–6–six whole days!  That following Saturday, 6 days after Bobby’s death, not only did my husband’s brother and his wife arrange to meet us at some restaurant for ‘lunch’, but our other son also came back over to ‘see us’ that same afternoon.  And, our son did to me exactly what he had done 6 days earlier, the day his brother had been killed.  So, once again, I had to kick him out of here.  I only wish I’d been a man for just that moment…no, I don’t really. 

https://i0.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/d/e/d/a/1237561364565525834lesnivila_Herz_mit_Rose_-_Heart_with_a_Rose.svg.thumb.png   Things were hard enough, and I was justly angry at the way he behaved towards me, and over the lies he’d told in order to protect his wife and himself, and make them look all the better in front of his father’s family members.  If it was my fault, that would let her and him both, off the hook for what had happened.  He could never have picked a right time to betray me that way, though, but the day his brother had been killed?!  It’s mind-numbing to realize what he did, and when.  I love him with all my heart, and even though I was understandably angry at him for the lies he told about what had gone on, who ever said that, simply because someone is angry with you, your relationship is over forever?  If that was the way God viewed things, we’d all be roasting our buns in hell, with no hope of parole, ever!  If anger is justified, and you remember that you love the one you’re angry with, there is always hope, in the form of what Christ commanded that we do.  To forgive one another, and to love one another.  Simple.  Yet, it’s the hardest of things that Christ ever told us we are to do for one another, including for our enemies. 

 

Here is what Jesus said to us about forgiveness:

43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?

47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?

48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. [Matthew 5:43-48] (KJV)

Amen, Lord, amen…
If anyone thinks what the Lord commanded us to do in those verses is ‘as easy as pie’, just try it–try forgiving someone who has hurt you so badly you feel as though it was a mortal wound they gave you–then, that’s when you’ll realize just how impossible His command to us is WITHOUT His HELP!  Without His strength, there is no way we could ever obey His command to even love our enemies!  The proof of that is in it’s application.  Yet, if we love Him, we will ask for His help to obey Him in this, and in all else.

 

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“May you have love that never ends,
lots of money, and lots of friends.
Health be yours, whatever you do,
and may God send many blessings to you!”  https://i0.wp.com/www.clker.com/cliparts/7/7/b/2/133063576649538801irishgirl.svg.thumb.png

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